Hola familia y amigos!
This week has been a bit of a roller coaster. First of all, yesterday the sister missionaries who share the ward with us and I got to give talks in Church. I chose to talk about Establishing Zion (unfortunately there is a lot of disunity and murmuring in the ward here, hopefully my comments were helpful), as well as teach the Gospel Principles class! Fun stuff! I actually enjoyed it, can you imagine such a thing? Since when does Joshua Fugal enjoy public speaking? Second, Elder Cuadros is great, I really like the guy. We get along really well, and for the most part he is teachable and willing to change a few things. But right at this time with all the junk that has happened recently in the mission (unfortunatly, missionaries don`t always obey the rules), President has made some radical changes in the mission rules and policies. I think most of the changes will be good and will cut down the disobedience a little, but some of them are really difficult to abide. For example, we aren`t allowed to enter a house if there is not an adult male present, which has been the case for a long time, and is frustrating because the majority of the people home during the day are women with children or women alone. But in the past we could be in the front yard and teach a woman, or if the man was home but didn`t want to participate we could still enter. But now that has changed and we cannot be in the yard, and if the man is not present in the same room we can`t be there. It`s really difficult to explain these changes in the rules to people because they say "but last week you came in no problem!" Well, we ended up being put in that situation the very first day that the rules changed, and I decided rather than make up some excuse why we couldn`t come in (the husband was sick and in bed), I simply explained the rule change. She is a less active sister who has two children who have been considering being baptized, and also served a mission many years ago. She said that this rule is ridiculous and that there hadn`t been rules so stupid in her day and that the leaders don`t really care about the people only about numbers and on and on and on. Basically, she was offended and upset with me for being so "square" as to obey the rule. She pretty much told us not to waste our time with them any more. My companion and I were both pretty bummed. I think he was a little frustrated with me, but he didn`t say that. I was pretty mad about how it is that when I try to be obedient things always blow up in my face (this was not the first time a similar situation has happened to me recently), and missionaries who don`t give a rats about the rules have all kinds of success in their missions.
Anyway, I was pretty discouraged the next day and was seriously thinking about whether or not it is worth it to be obedient with exactness when it seems that the cost is souls receiving the gospel in their lives. Yet the thought that kept coming back to me comes from Doctrine and Covenants 82:10 "I the Lord am bound when ye do what I say, but when ye do not what I say ye have no promise." It is a promise from Him. In Spanish is says "I the Lord am OBLIGATED when ye do what I say." That is a promise from the Lord telling us that if we are obedient with exactness, He is obligated to bless us, but when we do not obey Him, we are left to our own power and strength, without any promises from Him. I realized that if I don`t have faith in that promise, then I cannot invite anyone to make sacrifices to live the commandments of God and trust in Him even when it’s difficult. To do so would be hypocrisy. Perhaps some might say that I am square. They might say that the only thing I have learned in my mission is the Missionary Handbook, as I have heard said about "square" missionaries in the past. But I have to have faith in the Lord`s promises, if I don`t, then there is no reason for me to be here. The next day after a lot of thought my companion and I had a great conversation about all of this. He and I both shared some very personal things and experiences with each other, and I think he is beginning to understand. I suppose I must have patience with him, after all it has taken me almost eighteen months to understand all of these things, I can`t expect him to understand it all in his second change in the mission. I just pray that he can learn from my past mistakes rather than repeat them. What a miracle the mission is. It is so incredibly hard, without a doubt the hardest thing I have ever done, yet nothing has taught me more and helped me to grow more. I still have so much more to learn and so many more things to change in me, and I hope that six months is enough time to do it. I hope that I can help more people receive the gospel in their lives and enjoy these blessings as well. It may be true that we will lose a few investigators, but I trust in the Lord that He will lead us to others who are more prepared to received the gospel.
I love you all. I`m sorry if this letter was a bit of a downer, but I know that these things which I have shared are important. I pray that you all are well.
Love, Elder Fugal
